


Here I Stand

by lotrangel17



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, No Dialogue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lotrangel17/pseuds/lotrangel17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Contemplations</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here I Stand

**Author's Note:**

> For a challenge on lj called 'Don't Speak' 
> 
> Also this was written with the first 30 seconds of this vidoe (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUJMAjSrsS4&feature=youtu.be ) - a deleted scene from HBP that I absolutely love) in mind.

He stood in his classroom and stared out the window. He was a tall man with dark hair and even darker eyes and add to that his choice in clothes color and one would think he would certainly fade into the oppressive black of the walls that surrounded him. But that was far from the case where this man was concerned. This man was an imposing figure, his arms crossed, his gaze sharp and his features almost hawk-like. He was a lone and lonely figure staring out into the sky but not really seeing anything. Normally his eyes were focused and clear and missed not a single detail of his surroundings and more importantly those standing around him. However, if anyone cared to notice him at this very moment in time they would see a far way look in his eyes, he was lost in the memories of his mind. The scenes of his life were replaying over and over in his head and in them he saw the choices he made and the choices he wished he would have made. A little half smile rose on his face, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride and then maybe Severus Snape wouldn't be standing here alone in his classroom with his nothing but his thoughts and his regrets and the bitter taste of remorse in his mouth.

It was close to the evening hour and the sun was slowly fading over the horizon. The sky was gray and cloudless and he could see all the way to the Forbidden Forest had he cared to look that way. Sparing a glance down he could see some of the students still moving around on the great lawn below, he watched them walking together, talking and laughing and being young and carefree, the way that students should be. Oh how he wished he could have had that, could have known what that truly felt like, to be young and carefree. He know that would be a feeling he would never feel, the time for that was gone. And there was that word again, wish. If wishes were fishes, the sea would be full and Severus's one true friend would still be alive and quite possibly would be standing with him right now. Maybe then his life and future wouldn't seem as bleak as it did right now. But that friend, who was so dear to him was gone, his one friendship ruined with a single harsh word that tasted vile to him the minute it had left his tongue.

He looked up to watch the sky, there was a storm coming on the horizon and the winds were starting to pick up. There were sounds moving on the wind he could hear, it was bringing the faint sounds of the choir up through the window at which he stood. Professor Flitwick must be in the Great Hall with the students practicing. Their sweet voices sounded like angels to him as if heralding some great news to the world. If only there were good news coming then maybe he wouldn't feel this way. Suddenly Minerva's voice wafted up, he heard her telling everyone to go to their common rooms, warning them to get out of the storm. It was good that there were others to watch out the students, because that's what teachers were for wasn't it. Teachers weren't meant to be bitter and harsh and use words that were regretted once they were used but were entirely necessary to ensure a certain air of distaste and hatred. His face was a mask of indifference and he wondered if it every was truly relaxed.

Suddenly the light changed, like an eclipse the sky suddenly went from light to dark to light again. He almost smiled at the irony of that action, it was if nature itself were mocking him at that moment. Did that not sound exactly like his life - light to dark to light. Oh what he would have given to skip the dark part of his life. What he wouldn't give to have always been on the side of light to have never taken that one step. That step that, at the time, he was certain would bring meaning to his life and give him a reason to live. One misstep, one small moment in time, one word misspoken and his life had spiraled downhill until he found himself to his current situation. If he could take back that one word, that one deed then the sacrifices and pain of the last few years would not have happen and the daunting task ahead of him would not be looming over his head.

He prayed he had the strength to do what had been asked him. Through the past six years, since her boy had come to school, he had done everything that was expected and asked of him, in fact had gone above and beyond. He did not want recognition in return, did not want to glorified, all his actions were for one thing and one thing only, the one thing he could never ever get no matter how hard he tried, not matter how much pain he endured for the cause. That one thing that just out of reach was forgiveness. Yes he had been through unbearable pain and had seen horrifying things all in order to make a stand, to walk a line. But that line, the one small thin line between good and evil, between black and white, between right and wrong - it was a very thin line and one wrong move would topple him to one side or the other and the house of cards that seemed to be stacked on his shoulders alone.

The choir finished practicing, the students all went to their houses and things began to quiet but the lone figure stayed. He stood and watched and waited, hoping and praying over and over that when the time came he would have the courage to do what needed to be done.


End file.
